Have you ever gone from the front seat of a car doing 50 miles an hour straight into the back seat of a car doing 10??
And that was my Easter Monday....
It’s the expertise of Hollywood stunt men or if you live in my World, a leisurely drive with the Marvelous Mummy at the wheel!
We need to stop LYING to each other & we can only do that when we stop lying to ourselves
When it comes to Parenting, we lie everyday. I’m not talking about the little white lie we tell the kids about the tooth fairy or the Easter Bunny. It’s the lie that tumbles from our lips to others, it goes a like this, “Having kids is so hard, I’m so tired & never have a minute to myself, but......... HERE IT COMES!! I wouldn’t change it for the World”
Its Easter Tuesday, which means he is Risen and reunited with his Pops. So let’s put JC back in the roof space until Xmas…
Right now I have the small matter of the family holiday to navigate (read, endure & survive) Some people are searching for answers to life’s big questions, whereas I’m wrestling with why we say “Family Holiday”.
Taking your family anywhere is not a Holiday, a holiday is time away from everyday life, stresses and work. Which includes your kids and at times your significant other. In my case I have started to call the significant other Judith, as in Chalmers. My Judy has a knack for finding cheap deals which means we have 2 trips lined up before August, she also has no idea who Judith Chalmers is, which doesn’t surprise me in her bubble living life.
If you have never heard the word ‘Margaritaville’ then it’s unlikely you will have ever heard of Jimmy Buffett (as in all you can eat)
Jimmy is an American musical legend, who although now in his 70’s still plays to sold out stadiums across the United States, bringing his unique island style tunes to his fans, affectionately known as Parrotheads! That is when he isn’t surfing the islands, writing novels or flying his own plane to his upcoming tour dates. Several of which are taking place in Dublin, London & Paris!
Margaritaville, the title of one of his most popular songs, name of his restaurant chain and a mystical vacation destination usually found at the bottom of a bottle of tequila, is also a state of mind..
The following contest is scheduled for one fall…. Approaching the ring, weighing in at… well still carrying a little holiday weight. Hailing from a wee green spot in the North of Ireland, it’s the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion, Dadeeeeeeeeeeeeee Demented!!!
Cue kick ass entrance music…. And the crowd goes nuts
The Pagan festival of Chocolate, the long weekend of Good Friday (isn’t every Friday) and Easter Saturday, Sunday & Monday. A time when the sun comes out & every single person in Northern Ireland decides to join the Worlds most scenic traffic jam by driving up the Antrim Coast to Portrush & Portstewart.
Let’s not forget it’s also another holiday period for teachers! How are we meant to enjoy the season & the fairly decent weather it often brings while surrounded by brats stuffed full of E numbers?
The Education Authority really has no consideration for parents, scrap that, it’s every man for themselves out here, they have no consideration for me!
It’s a bloody nightmare, one which we are expected to look forward to, with smiles on our faces & cheery carefree attitudes on our shoulders!
To quote James Royale, My Arse!
This year, I have a plan & it’s brilliant
I plan to stay in the house, if it’s nice out I’ll maybe venture into the garden, what I won’t be doing is giving in to the Marvellous Mummies annual suggestion of going for a drive up the coast!
NOT this year, aside from the fact I always end up driving, if I stay at home I get to relax while chuckling at all those poor saps who are fighting through traffic to fight for a parking space to fight through more traffic, the human kind, to walk for an hour, get fleeced for ice creams & spend a fortune in arcade games only to finally make it back home where they can count their likes on gushing social media posts containing pictures of them & their little cherubs idyllically enjoying the family outing that in actual fact was a sweaty stressful day from hell!
So you’re gonna be a Daddy?
Once you break the news of your impending entry into fatherhood almost everyone with the ability to speak will have an opinion. Now aside from the warm congratulations, the cigars & the ‘atta boy back slaps, many of your Male associates will also be secretly pleased, not for you but because you are joining their gang & they don’t like suffering alone