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Easter is over, NOW it’s holiday time

4/23/2019

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Its Easter Tuesday, which means he is Risen and reunited with his Pops. So let’s put JC back in the roof space until Xmas…

Right now I have the small matter of the family holiday to navigate (read, endure & survive) Some people are searching for answers to life’s big questions, whereas I’m wrestling with why we say “Family Holiday”.

Taking your family anywhere is not a Holiday, a holiday is time away from everyday life, stresses and work. Which includes your kids and at times your significant other. In my case I have started to call the significant other Judith, as in Chalmers. My Judy has a knack for finding cheap deals which means we have 2 trips lined up before August, she also has no idea who Judith Chalmers is, which doesn’t surprise me in her bubble living life.
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Once again I am holding Society responsible for these so called “Family Holidays”. Yep, Society has sold us another pup (society has a lot to answer for) & travel firms support them by shoving glossy brochures, adverts and online shots of idyllic scenes in our faces. We have all seen them, Mum & Dad with theiir little darling kids laughing and playing on the beach or by the pool. Enjoying a leisurely meal or a paid excursion.

I thought false advertising wasn’t allowed? Yet several things you will notice if you really study these images

1, Everyone is jollier than a Mormon Missionary on a sugar high

2, Not one love handle, beer belly or flabby ass can be seen

3, I spend my holiday sweating like a rotisserie chicken, but not one blade of sweat is visible despite it being 32 degrees.

4, Every Looky Looky Man in the resort hasobviously been digitally erased or rounded up & shipped off to whichever resort I’m heading for.

5, There are ample sun loungers & the pool area does not resemble the flies round shite scenario we are accustomed to!
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The list goes on, but you get the picture! The actual picture. That picture paints a thousand words, each one of them spelt L.I.E.S!

The reality of a family holiday is merely your everyday existence, fighting children, gurny children, tired children, only transported to sunnier climbs were a pint only costs £2. Ever wondered why the drink is cheap? It’s to stop the parent uprising!

If I owned a travel company my resorts would be joyous carefree mirages, because the brochure would have a picture of an overheated parent, carrying enough shit to stock the summer aisle in Home Bargains, wrestling with a sticky covered tornado of tantrums that is in for both barrels of Mommy wrath when they get back to the apartment. Multiply that by 7 nights per child, 14 if you’re truly mad... A Daddy Demented holiday may not be pretty, but that’s parenting for ya

Well thank you very much travel industry, you suck!
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