It's ok dear, the Church of England says it's fine!

Saturday night was date night!

and this month, we did date night in style.

Belfast style, as the Bride & I splashed our christmas money on a wee Booking.com deal at Malmaison up in the big smoke.

The professional holidaymakers (my parents) had a gap in their Jet2 schedule, so we took the opportunity offered & dumped the miniatures at their house so they could fully 'enjoy' a night with our spawn while we hit the road for the bright lights

See ya suckers....

Combing a modern boutique hotel with a former industrial building from the 1860's, the hotel vibe is...... oops, hang on! I went all Conde Naste Traveler there.

Give us a second while I have a word with myself.

Aye so, we checked in dumped our travel case (Disney Animators, if you're interested and yes it does have princesses all over it. And what?) Then headed out to see what all the childless people do on a Saturday afternoon.

How the other half live!

First stop - Bootleggers. A wee corner bar and restaurant on the edge of the Cathederal corner. Two cocktails & a bowl of contested fries, which isnt a hip name for the nibbles, it's a reflection of the back and forth arguing between a few members of staff, who didnt look old enough to be in a pub to begin with, about whether or not we could order from the bar.

Turns out we could

but it wasnt really worth the hassle. Ya get better fries in Ronnie's Mcburger Shap!

The Brides cocktail was a pineapple express which had a perfume whiff & tasted like pot pourri. You have never been drunk & mistaken it for snacks? Meanwhile I had an America Fuck Yeah, which despite the name didnt taste like fast food, student debt & Russian meddling. It sas served eith toasted marshmalloss and was quite good. (Both pictured above)

In the market for a gin & whatever it is she puts in it we made the short walk to Muriels Gin Bar to satisfy her desires. Where she promptly ordered a Pina Colada, dont overthink it, logic is not welcome in the bubble which she resides! Apparently it was excellent. I opted for a Margarita, straight up, lime heavy and salt to the rim. The bartender took his craft seriously, posing more probing questions on the makeup of my drink than the Doc asks when you try to get clap cream

Stop number three, the National. A former Bank turned Bar, fitting considering the price of a pint nowadays. 3 pints of Maggie's Leap & 3 Beefeater pink gin & lemonade... £36.15

At least Dick Turpin had the decency to wear a mask

This pub has a window in the ladies room that looks out over the main bar, it's some sort of reverse voyeurism......

Slipping out into the chilly air we wandered back over to The Malmaison to change for dinner. Well the bride changed, I already had my going out shirt and brogues on. Turns out I should have packed a Tarzan suit to compliment her dress as she wiggled into something more at home in the African serengeti.

Being a chivalrous gentleman I of course pointed out the skin tone of each animal likely slain to create said garment

Her appetite won out over her desire to be offended and we were still together for dinner, although hand holding had by this stage been left in the street.

The food was quality and tasty yet the portion size made me feel like an adult at a dinner hosted by Playmobil. Portion control could be my friend, though it wont be a close one.

Suitably stuffed, sort of, well not really, I escorted Winnie Mandela next door to the MalBar & sampled several cocktails as the crazy antics of the day wound down.

After a pleasant sleep & some Church of England approved activity, by which i of course mean bible study, we availed of breakfast, giving the traditional glance to the continental selection before ordering proper grub with coffee.

Will Brexit mean we cant serve Continental breakfast anymore? I dont think we thought this through, I'm actually quite fond of croissants

A 12 o'clock check out provided ample time to relax into the day enough to complete my morning constitution. Toilet comfort is an important part of the overall hotel experience.

Check out was swift, with parking validated & clarification that I didnt even open the minibar never mind apply for the loan required to settle the bill of drinking anything from it, were on our way home.

Conclusion?

Malmaison is a super spot to stay if you are drinking in the cathedral quarter. Several of the cities best bars are a short walk away with the Titanic Exhibit and Belfasts two main concert venues also in dandering distance.

The four star hotels lodgibgs were clean and modern, with a comfy throne. Crucial requirement!

Would I take Simba's Ma back again? Yeah I suppose I would, if only to eat off the first class guest menu & see what continent the bride would source her outfit next time.

We paid £200 for Dinner, Bed and Breakfast through booking.com