So you’re gonna be a Daddy?
Once you break the news of your impending entry into fatherhood almost everyone with the ability to speak will have an opinion. Now aside from the warm congratulations, the cigars & the ‘atta boy back slaps, many of your Male associates will also be secretly pleased, not for you but because you are joining their gang & they don’t like suffering alone
Yet despite their kind words & tidbits of experience and information not one of them can accurately describe what it’s like to be a Father or to be more precise, what’s it’s like for you to be a Father.
Everyone is different and our individual personality has a huge part to play in Parenting, so while you can take the advice, read the books and even attend the courses, the reality of the situation is as personal as
Its undoubtedly an exciting & of course joyous time, but its hard, very hard. In fact becoming a father is harder than you have the ability to comprehend and while you may have everything ready, the house baby proofed, the nursery stocked and the cupboards filled. No amount of preparation can save you from the realities of fatherhood!
Ill freely admit that It was a struggle for me. In fact Eight years and a second child later, not much has changed. It was never in doubt that I loved both of my Kids but the entire situation felt alien to me. I went from a carefree guy to a hunched up quivering ball of regret in less than a year, something which after the arrival of Son number 2 manifested itself into a full blown bout of Anxiety and Depression.
I can vividly remember being angry, angry at my situation and asking myself why did I ever think this was a good idea. I blamed my Wife, after all she was the one who had pushed to have kids and now that we had them she seemed to take it all in her stride, almost as if it was what she was meant to do.
Meanwhile I sat on the side-lines, yes I was actively involved, very hands on and did my fair share of the childcare, yet I felt like I was living someone else’s life, minding this imaginary persons family until they could get back from wherever they were to take over the reins and let me return to my bachelor existence. They just never turned up.
Then the boys started to grow and everything magically got a little easier, except that’s lies, nothing got easier. I went from having two demanding children to having two demanding children who could now express their needs and wants in stereo, they needed me for the majority of their daily lives and here I was the most Introverted of Introverts who craved his own company. More often than not I found myself unable to think straight, mentally exhausted by two miniature humans.
Point is, give yourself a break. Its ok to lose your temper, its fine to struggle, no one can judge you for second guessing yourself and your abilities. Just keep being there and doing your best, no one ever finds this easy and anyone who appears to have all their Fatherly shit together, taking all the little puke machine can throw at them while constantly telling everyone who amazing this parenting shit is! Well that right there is a goddam liar
Much like people use social media to portray a perfect reality tv style life, many parents will tell you how wonderful & fulfilling they find parenting. I have lost count of the times I have listened to this shit from folks, how they wonder what they did with their time before this little bundle of glorious ness came into their lives.
Bollox! You lived your life but at some point you fell foul of societies great rouse, settling down to have a family!
We aren’t doing ourselves any favours with these lies, lying to each other and ourselves! More of us need to reach out for the help we need & tell the truth about parenting, so that’s what i plan to do!
Society reels in horror when you say having kids it’s a shit deal, but who is the better parent? The Instagram Daddy with the glossy magazine lifestyle & the greatest kids ever or the honest father who admits to struggling every damn day but despite the personal struggles & pain is sticking it out to do the best he can for his family?
Be the man you are, not the man you think everyone needs you to be, you’re doing just fine
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