Top O the World Ma!

Had I taken my last breath there and then, the Doctor would have undoubtedly recorded my cause of death as self satisfaction!

Afternoon Tea at Belfast’s newest, grandest 4 star hotel was by my own admission an outstanding Valentines Gift for the Marvelous Mummy & to pull a further ace from up my sleeve, I had booked the more expensive Observatory on the 23rd floor.

Yep, I was pleased with myself to the point of smugness, oh what a short lived feeling that would turn out to be

As MM & I were shown to the exclusive Observatory lift by a very welcoming, possibly American hostess I was still trying to process just how exactly I had ended up here.

Ok sure I knew the logistics of how I was physically here but it had never been part of my outstanding plan to take Afternoon Tea myself, after all I had made it to the grand old age of 30... (classified) without ever doing so and sure as..... Ding! The lift doors open & I find myself stepping onto the top floor.

“Good afternoon Sir, Madam. Welcome, will you please follow me?”

Hello, ok I will follow you.

Ah, Yes this is a lovely table & indeed the weather is on our side for the beautiful view.

No you can’t take my coat but thanks for asking.

What a lovely girl.. ah wait the waitress had effortlessly engaged me!

**Let’s hope for the sake of national security I am never captured & made to talk, it’s clearly not even a challenge.

So there I was, seconds out of the lift and they had already suckered me in. Ok, look It wasn’t my plan to be there & some four days after the event I still haven’t quite worked out how the Marvelous one managed to get me to go, the point is I did, so while I was there I’ll explain a little about how a virgin afternoon tea taker got on

Let’s start with the view! If you like being high up and looking out, down and across at stuff, is none to shabby. Not great for anyone who doesn’t care for heights, for you I recommend the seahorn room which i believe is on the much lower ground floor

The staff seemed, on this day anyway, to be seating one table per half an hour, so we had the luxury of being able to enjoy the entire section to ourselves for a fair while.

Having selected our drinks, I opted for a Caramel Latte, while MM opted for a Americano of some sort, both were excellent. As we enjoyed our drinks we were given time to enjoy the surroundings and company, before a light but tasty miniature cream cheese horn with caramelized caviar was served, Yum (sadly it was eaten before I could take a picture)

The afternoon tea stand itself was brought out and a description of each offering given. The MM is adamant these are not kids portions & the sandwiches are meant to be that small. Somewhat dubiously & much like a giant at a kids picnic I tried to display my new found sophistication, but two bites per untoasted soldier was my max

I’ll let you work out what’s on the stand for yourself, it’s fairly self explanatory although when the server took the steps of explaining each item, it sounds a lot more impressive that what I would simply refer to as buns

After a few more coffees, a pot of Nassam (I think) Tea and polishing off everything offered I will admit to being stuffed, surprisingly.

As we made our way back down to the lobby I had one last thing to try, the real benchmark for public spaces, the WC, which FYI stands for Water Closet & not ‘self satisfaction closet’ as I previously thought.

MM is now talking about a couples Spa day! I’m adamant in this one, not while my ass points down....

Wait is that the robes? They so fluffy...

Afternoon Tea costs £40 per person in the Observatory and £30 per person in the Seahorn room.

I purchased our voucher from the Grand Central Hotel website.

Reservations are highly recommended