Turning five, adjusted for inflation

We have a Birthday coming up in our house. Happily it’s not mine, just yet. If anything I would like to slow mine down, maybe even make it a biannual thing. I can’t for the life of me see why The Queen celebrates two birthdays a year, I get that one is ceremonial, but it must be hard enough keeping track of your age at that end of life, without having to celebrate twice a year. Do her people work out her age twice? “Today ma’am you are 92, going by your birth certificate, however that is 122 in Queen years”. Though in that case, she doesn’t look half bad for her age.

Anyway, The Marvellous Mummy and I are planning for an altogether simpler age celebration, as our youngest turns the big 5, without the 0. Inside his curious little mind reaching five makes him a grown up, so take my advice & don’t dare refer to him as the baby, for he is of course a big boy! Skilled in the art of dressing himself, sometimes sans underwear admittedly, but well on his way to Adulthood with all the joys that his imagination believes that brings. If only he knew the truth.

The modern child’s birthday still brings with it many of the traditional trappings of celebration, cake, jelly and ice cream, maybe even a few balloons. All the nostalgic trimmings that we roll with from year to advancing year. Yet the biggest development of our times is the birthday present itself.

Thinking back to 1986, I probably received some Playmobil, could have been Lego or if I really strain the brain, I’m convinced Action Man might have still been a thing around that time. I definitely remember having a scale Harrier Jump Jet for him. I’ll really ya, toys may not have had microchips and graphics card 30 years ago, but they were way cooler than what kids play with in 2019, or don’t play with it seems.

Top of his one item list this year though is Nintendo’s Switch console, which weighs in at around £300. The eternally jolly & portly Gentleman, who unbeknown to Children, sends parents a bill for his wares every January, brought Mr 5’s older brother one for Christmas & as is the norm with siblings, he has been trying to get a go on it ever since, with varying success. More success than I have had.

Now, I’m of the opinion that spending £300 on a birthday gift for one so young should be a crime, yet as the Marvellous one keeps telling me, much to my chagrin, that’s the price of things nowadays. I’m still finding it difficult to accept that long gone are the day of 10p Chewits and 5p Freddo’s, which themselves have become a yardstick meme of their own for the exuberant cost of things.

To absorb this cost, she has decreed that we will contribute an undisclosed sum towards it, undisclosed to both me & the rest of the World, which will be bolstered by any other birthday funds he receives. Having had time to digest this I am ready to admit that although the entire plan remains exuberant, I am willing to receive for my Gold star for compromise and go along with it.

She has also promised to buy me FIFA & let me play it when he is asleep. The older boy is wise to this & hides his every night, little git