One day last week, I coughed.
My kids school closes up for half term at noon on Friday. Which means its family vacation time!
Wally World, next three exits (if you recognise that movie quote, you're childhood was awesome)
So this Thursday i'm busting my kids out of school early
well that was the plan until I discovered they don't get marked as present for the day, so we're actually not sending them in at all!
Yep, bad parenting!
I remember when my cousin, who is only a couple of years older than me, but always seemed Worldy wise when it came to the latest technological craze, got his first cd player one Christmas
On our regular visits to my Aunt & Uncles house I would invariably find an excuse to visit (sneak) into his room to seek out his boulder hill play set, M.A.S.K anyone?
Once in there you couldn’t help but notice every detail of the well organised treasure trove of awesomeness, the eighties wallpaper and bedspread surrounded by items that always seemed just beyond my current age.
Shelves bunged, neatly & alphabetically correct, with CD Singles & VHS tapes marked with exoticly and intriguing titles like Reeves & Mortimer Big Night In, The Goonies or a poster of Bill & Ted proudly positioned like the beginnings of some sort of mini pop culture art gallery
Saturday night was date night!
and this month, we did date night in style.
Belfast style, as the Bride & I splashed our christmas money on a wee Booking.com deal at Malmaison up in the big smoke.
The professional holidaymakers (my parents) had a gap in their Jet2 schedule, so we took the opportunity offered & dumped the miniatures at their house so they could fully 'enjoy' a night with our spawn while we hit the road for the bright lights
See ya suckers....
Blue Monday, Dryanuary, The miserable month, so they tell us anyway! But who is they?
Everyone with something to hawk us, that's who they are
Sure, January is a long month and most of us are skint after the festive season, just as it begins, with a glass of bubbly at the end of a countdown, it will end, after a slightly longer countdown. But end it will.
So ignore the marketing machine, whether its blue skies and sandy beaches or gym passes that will gather dust or worse, gym equipment that would gather dust if they weren't being used as a clothes horse
January, when you dig below the surface, is like any other month
So yes, January is cold.
It tends to be cold in Winter, December was cold too but we were all too busy being told to be merry & spend money that we forgot about that.
and yes, January is dark but then so is the middle of the night and it comes once a day for your entire life! January happens once a year.
As for Blue Monday, anyone peddling that shit, well I hope your next bowl movement is a hedgehog. What is Blue Monday, other than a Monday somewhere in the middle of the darkest month? By that logic we should be wary of blue midnights & we have 365 of them!
while we're here, Dryanuary? What sort of sadistic nutjob came up with that nonsense! Im not quittee pal.
So here we are with only 10 days to February. Thats when we will have something to moan about. That wee fucker Cupid......
I know where he can shove his arrow
My New Year Resolution for 2020 is the same as 2019, 2018 and every year proceeding right back to 2004
Nothing. I resolve to make no resolutions
Which, admittedly is a bit of a double negative but it works for me
and even if I made specific resolutions, which I'll not admit to, I would never tell. Healthy eating? Keep it to yourself.. Going to the Gym, dont tell a soul. Cutting down on the Booze, do it quietly
Fanfare and social media announcements are your enemy
Why? Simple, why would you set yourself up not only for certain failure, but public failure
KISS, Keep it simple stupid
Make smart choices, instead of choosing a diet, telling everyone your on it and then struggling to stick to it by Mid Jan, simplify the process. KISS, simply agree, with yourself, that you're going to make better choices when it comes to food
Then if you fall off the wagon into a packet of wagon wheels, it's not the end of the World
Fancy getting in shape? KISS, dont splash out on an expensive gym membership & commit to a punishing routine. Go for a walk, get your steps up. A little bit of exercise goes a long way
You dont need to look like a Love Island contestant by Valentines Day. Those folk aren't human anyway
January is long, dark and miserable enough without piling pressure on yourself
Sometimes society screws us over with her traditions and expectations. Give yourself a break
Christmas is a time of year for reflection.
A time when we take stock of our personal achievements or in my case take stock of the things that I haven’t bothered to achieve & have just put on the long finger for next year. If procrastination was an Olympic sport I would be a non runner, seeing as I wouldn’t have bothered to turn up to take part.
“Why do today what you can put off to tomorrow”
What I did realise today is that I am on course to achieve yet another year on my outstanding unbroken run that stretches back to 1980 & something. Yep, I have notched up 30 plus years on Santa’s Nice list!
As a passionate supporter of the ‘Keep Christmas in December’ movement, it is finally date appropriate to go Christmas Crackers, festively fruity or Cuckoo for Coco Ops (not really xmas but it’s a classic)
Yep, brace yourselves, I’m officially full of Yuletide Glee!
As much fun as the holidays are, it’s important to remember the true and serious meaning of the season, Movies! So here is a list of the Daddy’s festival five, carefully selected to make you feel all warm and fuzzy. Christmas spirit warm and fuzzy, not soiled yourself after too much mulled wine warm and fuzzy
Last Friday I paired a shirt with a V-neck pullover, slipped on my going out brogues & donned my most grown up coat. Why the snazzy threads? I had a date in the big smoke, that’s why
(I also had trousers on, just to clarify)
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, unless you have kids, who are old enough to talk, chirping constantly about their ever changing letter to Santa!
I am a card carrying member of that club!
I used to work with a guy who, despite having three kids, eradicated Pester Power from his house, long before the phrase was even coined!
It was a simple, 3 pronged, process.