The MANual : Intro
Pregnant / With Child / In the family way / up the duff
You did it. You put your ding dong in her dooda and she is now, to use technical terminology, up the skite.
The fun part is over, forever
Pregnancy is a truly amazing thing. A little human life is growing inside another human & you did your part to make that happen, the whole thing is mind blowing!
For men the best part of pregnancy is the fact that Women go through it. In fact for humanities sake that’s the best part of pregnancy!
If we were left to populate the earth our race would have died out before it got started. Women have a higher pain threshold, it’s not so much a compliment as an unarguable fact. The female of the species can endure that pain for hours on end then seemingly erase it from their memories in an instant. It's the only way to explain why so many go back for another crack at the whip!.
Yet as humans who endure Man Flu, Males forget many things, dates, plans, names, yet they will never forget anything that hurts like one accidental flick in the nuts, never mind childbirth.
No matter what, the mans approach to the medical marvel that is pregnancy happens to be, like man himself, incredibly simple.
We have one job, just be there!
Throughout the 9 months or thereabouts of human baby baking our role is to be available, to do what your told when your told, nothing more. It’s simple.
Yet incredibly, many of us fall foul of this rule and open ourselves up to enduring the burning anger & white hot blame that only a Woman in the family way can impart
Why do we do it to ourselves?
After that 9 month period of nodding happily, rubbing swollen feet and ankles, scouring the countryside at 3am for coal & Nutella (actual cravings) Eventually the big day will arrive
As it is no longer 1957 the vast majority of us blokes will find ourselves in something called a delivery suite (more on that at a later date) Personally I’m very traditionally minded when it comes to this topic but you will find the decision is taken out of your hands. So Man up big lad
To assist the expectant and subsequent new father, I have put together a little briefing document, conveniently separated into helpful topics, to support your journey into responsible parenting
It may not be approved by experts but it's common sense tips that have been gained through sweat and tears
The Index of topics is coming soon
Back in the Autumn of 2010, as we were waiting for Dementor 1 to slide into the World, I spent a lot of time thinking about all the ways my life was about to change.
The little guy playing contentedly on the floor while I watched the Game!
Snoozing happily in his buggy as I sat outside a coffee shop, people watching!
Taking him out in his stroller on my daily run.
To be honest none of those would ever take place, which was nothing to do with the shock of parenthood. I didn’t people watch at coffee shops or take a daily run, as for playing contentedly on the floor! Is that a fucking Unicorn I see? The wee git is almost 9 & still has yet to do that!
I have no idea why I even listed those things